Yes! I had a good day. It was the day and it was done! I made lots of phone calls and ran errands and went all over town and applied for jobs and even, yes, even worked on editing my manuscript! Glory Hallelujah!
And guess what. Tomorrow will be the day again. All over again. But better. Hooray!
But now onto some hilarious news and stuff I’ve dug up from the web.
The security of the new head of MI6, Sir John Sawers, has been compromised. How? His wife posted all sorts of family photos, vacation photos, and pics of their friends, revealed the location of their home, their kids’ whereabouts, etc, etc, etc…on Facebook! With no privacy settings in place! Hardy, har, har. Way embarrassing. Read on…
My male cat, the one who somehow “fell out” of a 4th floor window, got checked out at the vet’s today. He seems normal, maybe a little bit more fussy than usual except…he’s got anal leakage. Yeah. Nasty. You don’t need the long story…he’s gonna be fine, for sure. But I learned today what his real weight is. And it’s scary. I thought, sure, he’s over 5 kilos, maybe close to 6… My big fat cat weights 7.6 kilos. On an empty stomach in the morning. That’s 16.72 lbs!!! As soon as he’s healthy, he’s going on a strict vet-prescribed diet. Period. No diabetic cats will be created under my roof, no sirree bob!
I’m always interested in the bizarre ways people find my odd anonymous personal blog. One of the big search triggers is “Pompeii,” seeing as I wrote a decent post with lots of raunchy photos from my visit there. Often people search for sex in Pompeii or Pompeii brothels. Well, today, I found something so hilarious, it’s almost touching. Real graffiti from Pompeii. Not kidding. People never change. Seriously. A couple thousand years, and it’s all the same. A few choice samples:
Restitutus says: “Restituta, take off your tunic, please, and show us your hairy privates”
Amplicatus, I know that Icarus is buggering you. Salvius wrote this
The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
Lesbianus, you defecate and you write, ‘Hello, everyone!’
Floronius, privileged soldier of the 7th legion, was here. The women did not know of his presence. Only six women came to know, too few for such a stallion.
Theophilus, don’t perform oral sex on girls against the city wall like a dog
Defecator, may everything turn out okay so that you can leave this place
I have buggered men
It took 640 paces to walk back and forth between here and there ten times
I don’t want to sell my husband, not for all the gold in the world
So…do go read all of them, will you? I’m not pulling your leg. They’re all real. Archaeologically documented and everything. Dirty macho bragging graffiti as science, art, and a piece of history. Fits, doesn’t it? The best place an archaeologist can find info on a long-gone society is in its trash heap.
I have so much running through my mind…one of which is the book I have written that takes place in 1991…so, as a fun continuation of yesterday’s April Fools videos…here are some monumental videos from when I was 12 and living in Europe. Enjoy the sexy bizarre mayhem of my youth. It’s shockingly funny what kids are exposed to…
Ya, Army of Lovers? What was up with that? I haven’t googled them yet, but let me tell you, we were like, mesmerized by this video…the costumes, the bondage, cross dressing, makeup, and overt sex…right on TV during prime time. Gotta love French TV. But I think this group was German. Ha, ha, dirty Germans…
Oh, yes, we had fun mimicking Prince gyrating to his guitar…my sister peed herself (on my bed, no less), in a fit of giggles, as we were impersonating him in front of the mirror (that was over my bed, hence the unfortunate accident).
My first love, Freddie Mercury. It’s one of my fave videos…something about the cross dressing. I loved the boobs and the mustache.
Now, not what you think this is, but I loved it just the same:
That’s not exactly true. I tend to be so gullible, Webster’s did start printing my picture about fifteen years ago next to the word. Right.
But I am so so so ridiculously thrilled at all the April Fools pranks going around the mass media circuit. I’m going to post some funny videos and links. Just because. It’s so nice to laugh, don’t you think? We don’t do it often enough, at least I don’t. And having taken a “Laughing Yoga” class in recent memory, I’m told it’s supposed to be really healthy. Even if you don’t mean it. Laughter, even the fake kind, is truly the best medicine.
Enjoy!
BBC’s the Swiss Spaghetti Harvest 1957:
Microsoft unveiled a new yodeling game, Alpine Legend, that lets you “jam with alpine legends like Franz “The Manz” Lang and Johann Hornbostel.” Add-ons include a tri-horne and a goat:
I had to. I just had to. It’s so ridiculous. And at the same time, that cat looks absolutely fabulous. Better hair than mine. Surfing the Kitty Wigs! website, I learned that these wigs have been featured in numerous magazines and television programs, and of course, all over the web. But lord knows, I would not spend $50 plus shipping on this for my cats. They would kill me, and I’d be out $50. I can’t believe this strange and highly successful business!!!? Who knew there would be a demand???
Happy St Paddy’s Day! The most adorable expression I’ve seen today:
Thank you Jim Henson.
A few more videos to lift our spirits:
I went to a wonderful little whiskey tasting last night, and I’ve got a FULL report coming. But I thought I’d tempt your tongues and noses with that one. The Laphroaig was lovely, thank you.
And finally, thanks to my friend the genius computer engineer (who btw invited me to last night’s tasting), this really special short film. It’s a bit long (12 minutes), but well worth the watch:
Having been to what I am starting to believe more and more is my pill-pushing quack of a psychiatrist, as well as my cool barely-older-than-me psychologist in the same day, and having read a Judy Blume book cover to cover in between, here’s a fun video to brighten all our days:
Lots of random things shooting around my head…and I’m going with stream of consciousness, here.
Discovered Bill Hicks, an exceptional comedian who died of cancer at the age of 33 in 1994. I discovered him surfing, as you do (well, not “as you do,” really: the smart women I wine with on Wednesday nights want to set me up with a friend of theirs, and they gave me his name to look up on facebook, and he had posted the monologue David Letterman omitted from broadcast on October 1, 1993, just a few months before Hicks died). He’s great. The Letterman clip was good. But I liked this one better:
Abraham Lincoln and Charles Darwin born on the same day, February 12, 1809. Someone important and inspirational made that connection recently, and I can’t remember where I read or heard it. In the grand scheme of things, important people are occasionally going to be born on the same day. But perhaps not people this important. I wonder what on God’s green earth was happening with the stars and the fates on that wintry day in 1809.
My table is slanted. I don’t understand, as it’s not wobbly. BTW, I’m at one of my fave cafe’s, Dizi, featured in a previous post or two.
I’m determined to make writing fun again. I’ve got to work on this book, it’s one of my main three goals this week. I’m going clip photos of supermodels from the early 90’s heyday of supermodels. I’m going to find fun pre-teen stationery to write fake letters on. I’m going to read the criticism that’s been generously given to me. I’m going to take it to heart, soak in the spirit of the changes I need to make, and then start slowly. I will not get offended, dispirited, jaded, etc.
The amazing soundtrack to Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? is playing. Keep on the sunny side of life, indeed.
I am still moving too slowly. Though my clothes are still folded, my bed made, and the dishes are still washed. And I finally got my psychiatrist on the phone and booked an appointment (another of the top 3 things to do this week). And I called into my new wine job, and they gave me my first round of holiday shifts, so exciting to be leading wine tastings (!!!), which will also give me a chance to make over a thousand shekels before leaving for Italy. Doesn’t sound like I’ve been moving slowly. But I have. If you take into account that I slept until almost 10 am, wasn’t even slightly productive until after 12 pm, didn’t shower until 2 pm, and didn’t leave the house until 3 pm. And I watched an episode of Star Trek Voyager in there. Even Bill Hicks believes in space exploration.
My Purim night was OK. Just OK. It was amazing to witness the debauchery in Tel Aviv. But not drinking made participating really hard. The “high tech” mega-company party I went to was kind of fun, however far too crowded. There was free drink (shucks, no alcohol for me…poo!), free food, lots of cool entertainment. And celebrity performers, too. It was OK, but I think atmosphere is very important, and stick too many people in too small a space that isn’t well organized, and I can’t find ways to have fun. My other friend’s party was slightly better, and I knew at least half the people. BUT everyone was pretty well sloshed by the time I got there. Which was kind of hilarious. But also kind of boring. I kind of played mommy at the end. We all left to go to the Florentine block party, THE place to be on Purim. They shut down all the streets in this semi-dump semi-gentrified bohemian neighborhood. And I’ve never seen so many people out on the streets before in my life. Never. And it was 3 am. Tons of music, alcohol, craziness. This being Israel, I was nervous being around there. I didn’t think there was enough police protection for an event this huge, especially with everyone in costume (plenty of ways to hide stuff and people), drunk, young-ish, and affluent (this is Tel Aviv here). I left my drunk friends and booked it home with another sober friend who’d be spending the night on my couch (not as easy as it sounds, we had to wade out way through acres of these people and get out of the neighborhood before we could find a cab that was also not stuck in gridlock traffic). Next year, I’ll hopefully be able to drink. And no block parties for me. Give me a nice private party any ole day, and I’m a happy camper.
And now I really have to work. Yes, work! Get the file out! Find those supermodels! Read those notes! Go! Go! Go!
Perhaps this isn’t the best time for it. Well, it’s not, of course. But it’s timely. Courtesy of my Israeli uncle, the Israeli take on a fly in a cup of coffee.
_________
What happens when a fly falls into a coffee cup?
The Italian – throws the cup and walks away in a fit of rage.
The Frenchman – takes out the fly, and drinks the coffee.
The Chinese – eats the fly and throws away the coffee.
The Russian – drinks the coffee with the fly, since it was extra with no charge.
The Israeli – sells the coffee to the Frenchman, the fly to the Chinese,buys himself a new cup of coffee and uses the extra money to invent a device that prevents flies from falling into coffee.
The Palestinian – blames the Israeli for the fly falling in his coffee, protests the act of aggression to the UN, takes a loan from the European Union to buy a new cup ofCoffee, uses the money topurchase explosives and then blows up the coffee house where the Italian, the Frenchman, The Chinese, and the Russian are all trying to explain to the Israeli that He should give away his cup of coffee to the Palestinian.
Welcome!
This is my countdown to my 30th birthday. Thanks for stopping by.
This life I’m on often feels like a great adventure, and it is my pleasure to share it with anyone who is interested.
I am a writer and chef. I am an American woman living in Tel Aviv, editing my ... Continue reading »
