Discipline. Rather, self-discipline. AND consistency. Two very big issues of mine. When I work for other people, or when I’m in a structured situation like in a university, I meet my deadlines. I don’t let other people or myself down. It’s hard. I wait until the last minute a lot. But I do it. And I succeed. Perhaps it’s why I have thrived in very deadline driven places and occupations. I’m an excellent student and an excellent publicist.
On my own, however, I’m so crappy at self-discipline, I feel like I regularly fail myself. Is it because I have nobody to “please,” nobody looking over my shoulder and judging me? Am I incapable of function without external criticism and expectation?
What am I getting to here? I don’t know the answers to why I am this way. It relates to a lot of what I talk about with my therapist, of course. What I do know is that this pattern of scary inactivity and shame has to stop. Must. I’m an adult. I have so much going for me. If I don’t want to tread water, I don’t have to. I just have to make a decision, create a plan, and stick to it. Even if nobody is watching.
So, what to do? Where to start? I think a good thing to begin with is to establish a routine. Make sure there are things that I do every day. Not once or twice per week. Every day. Why? Because you’re more likely to be successful if there’s no way to get out of it (i.e. oh, it’s my weekly task, but I’m so busy, I’ll do it tomorrow). Sure, I’ve got some weekly things (primarily my therapist and some other semi-regular doctors’ appointments). They help to keep me “human” and get me out of the house. It’s a good start. But it’s nowhere near enough. Nowhere near enough. This is an article from HuffPo on the topic. It got me thinking, and I even bookmarked this specific page on my toolbar. I look at it daily.
And now, I’ve got to implement some of this. Now. I want to be able to look back at this month and know that I work hard and achieved some results. I want to be proud of myself on this big birthday.
To Do Every Day for 29 Days (and maybe much more…)
- Write/edit my book for at least one hour, and preferable two or three.
- Apply to three jobs/send three resumes to employment agencies.
- Call at least two friends.
- Get at least six hours of sleep every night and attempt to go to sleep before midnight.
- Begin the above “work” in the morning hours (i.e. before 10 am).
I think these things are do-able. It’s a short list. Which is good. Because it still looks daunting to me. Imagine – the fact that going to bed at midnight and forcing myself to sleep six straight hours being “scary” to me. However, everything on this list is easy as apple pie. I am very capable. I finished writing this book. I did. Yes, editing is hard. Harder. But I think I’ve reached a mountain peak in this process. It’s hard to go down, sometimes harder than going up, sure. But this time, I can clearly see where I’m going, right? And the resume thing? It has to be done. I should perhaps add door-knocking or follow-up calling, etc, to the list, but I don’t think it’s realistic to do daily. If I do three a day, that’s 15 per week. And truth be told, once you apply to one or two jobs online, it’s just as easy to apply to five or ten. It’s just time consuming. Not “difficult.” So if I can stick to my guns here, I’ll inevitably be applying to more than three per day.
Good plan. Yes, good plan. At the end of the month, I should have a far more solid draft of my book, ready to go out to agents and publishers. And I may have a part time, full time, or contract kind of job. And these are things I need. I need them. I want to be able to hold my head high come July 31. I want to round off this decade in style. With some dignity.
