My birthday is fast approaching, and I only now, just now, like 5 minutes ago sent out an invitation online to my party. What am I thinking? I wanted paper invitations, a carefully planned event, something elegant, something I could really enjoy because it was so well planned, it had to go right. Right? Well, a bit over two weeks should still be enough to have a nice party. But still.
I still don’t know whether to care or not to care. It’s silly. It’s a stupid non-issue here. Of course I care…and of course, I don’t. Duh…
Like CARING so much it hurts…
So…there are moments during my day when it’s like, “holy shit, I’m going to be thirty…at my age my mother was 8 months pregnant with me…I have no life, no love life, no career, no routine, no schedule, I’m scared, I’m lost…shit, shit, shit…I’m going to be this 30 year old loser and nobody will come to my party!”
Like NOT CARING at all…(or much)
Hey, it’s another day on the calendar. You will be the same exact person. Your goals are the same. If anything, let it motivate you. Try harder. If you’re feeling self-conscious, you don’t have to tell anyone your age. Thank God for your common sense with SPF face creams daily from age 19 and thank God for Israelis (and much of the rest of the world) NOT being smart and allowing themselves to sizzle…so the glorious result is that many Israelis peg you at 25. It’s awesome. Sex and the City was all about women in their 30s and up, and they all got laid a lot. Right? They were still sexy cover girl-y awesome things with exciting careers and lives. There is hope. This could be the best thing that ever happened to you. People will finally take you seriously just because of your age. Hell, maybe you’ll ever start to take yourself seriously! Right? Right.
So…what?
According to Gretchen Rubin and her happiness project, one of the keys to happiness is…not to care. An interesting article and a technique I have been aware of for some time. I was the one who received her own copy of “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff…and it’s all small stuff” when I was about 16 years old.
But it’s much easier said than done. I can easily tell myself, “don’t care, it’s just a birthday.” And seriously, folks, it’s not like I’m having a coronary here. I’m sure it will all be fine. I’ll wake up the day after my birthday, and I will have survived. I know that. Oh shit, maybe I shouldn’t jinx myself here…you never know with the state the world is in…I should probably wake up, hopefully wake up, touch wood. But really not caring…that takes some time and determination and perhaps a really good ability to ignore stuff, brush stuff off, etc. And I’ve never been one of those people. I hoped this blog would help. And it has. I’ve never had such a well-documented year. It’s pretty awesome. Still…
Letting the wish list be the motivator
Yup. There it is. I think a lot of people get a bit nervous or emotional at big birthdays. It’s the insecurity coming through. I look at other friends of mine and think, “it must have been so much easier for them…” thinking…this one is married and that one has kids and this one has a great career and that one is well placed financially…and so on and so on. But everyone has the chinks in their armor. Everyone. Maybe there’s someone out there wishing they’d gone to India like me. Or quit a job they hated, like I did.
And the things that I lack that bother me most? What are they?
- Career versus loving what I do complicated by making money
- A home of my own
- A solid group of friends
- A beautiful relationship
I know these things. I really do. And if I’m aware of them, I can work on them and make some headway into eliminating the issues. This blog helped me do just that. The work isn’t over.
What can you do?
Ask me how I’m doing on my novel (the badgering helps). Keep your eyes open for interesting journalism/writing/editing/wine/catering jobs. And come to my party (if you know me apart from this anonymous blog). Please come to my party…I promise I will try to make it fun!
And aside from the desperation…some links!
The Best Birthday Ever - courtesy of Improv Everywhere!
The Best Birthday Present Ever – courtesy of Metacafe (hilarious video!)
