I accomplished next to nothing yesterday but had a nice time doing it. What I did do included picking up my sister’s belated Hanukah present from some main industrial post office depot and cooking lunch and hanging out with my other sister, after which we both trekked to find said post office depot, and then trekked some more to find a cafe that we could sit in that would allow us in with a sealed cardboard box (not an easy feat in Israel…we were looking for the small neighborhood variety that either couldn’t afford a security guard or just really didn’t think they needed one), so that we could open the box together over good chocolate and coffee, as was the instruction given by our sister who sent the box. We found a nice neighborhood cake shop with some very decent cake. The gifts were OK. I got a weird sweater, a weirder white blouse (that honestly looks like a cross between a chef’s jacket and a 60’s nurse’s uniform), a book I’d never heard of (in hardback), $15 to spend on iTunes, and a keychain supporting breast cancer. A chunk of metal made to look like a pink ribbon that cost my sister $2 at Macy’s, as it said on the backing, now hangs from my keys. Cool. It’s always nice to get presents. If you come at it from the perspective that you’ll probably not like anything, you probably will find something to like. And hey, it’s cold. I could use another sweater, as weird as this one is. So thanks little sister!
A couple nights ago, right after the water was turned on at the lovely man’s apartment, we were hanging out, tired as can be, and I honestly can’t remember how we got to the topic, but I remember saying something like…”you know, as closely related as we are to apes, I want to know why we’re different, I mean, when did we lose our hair? We’re naked! We’re not built for cold! I want to know how we lost our hair.” It must have had something to do with the fact that I was freezing, wrapped in a scarf, a blanket, and sitting in front of a space heater, desperately pretending it was an open fire and that I was some elegant lady who lunched, as I tried to gracefully read a book and held a glass of scotch I was sipping…all while trying to stop shivering. Well, I was reading a book and absent-mindedly swirling a glass of scotch. It made him laugh when he came into the room and saw me like that. Anyway, my love responded to my naked-humans-are-illogical statement with, “Have you heard of the aquatic ape theory?” I hadn’t. And after an entire evening of major procrastinating, now I know everything there is to know about our theoretical swimming ancestors. So, here we go:
(and I summarize from memory)
The Aquatic Ape Theory (or hypothesis), abbreviated as AAT or AAH, theorizes that before our early ancestors went to the savannas of Africa (where traditional anthropologists believe they went directly and developed most of our human traits, such as big brains, walking upright, etc), and after they left the jungles, there was an aquatic period where some groups were stranded on islands and in flooded areas, isolated from other apes for an extended period, and thus evolved separately. The physical characteristics of humans that support an aquatic or semi-aquatic phase include: walking upright (because in water, you have to to keep your head up, and the few primates that do have to go into water regularly do display this trait), bigger brains (seafood is much easier to catch than hunting big antelopes and things, and is more nutritious, especially with those Omega-3 fatty acids, what is believed over time to make brains grow big), fat (oh yes, we are really fat compared to all apes, and our fat is special because it is connected with our skin, like insulation, and very much like whale or dolphin or seal blubber — it’s insulation from the cold), fat babies (we are the only primates with fat babies who keep getting fat — which could be to make them buoyant and to be able to swim easier to follow mommy), no hair (in water, you don’t need it to keep you warm, you need fat to keep you warm. And the hair we have is said to be streamlined to how we swim), and a few dozen more things these devout theorists spill out, like breath control, the position of our larynx (which may be the key to us being able to speak at all), and more. It’s really convincing.
Except that the established scientific community thinks there is no evidence and is sometimes violently opposed to it. I think it’s a really cool and logical idea. I mean, how did we get really big brains so fast. The only other critters with brains as big and complex as ours are dolphins. And they go on and on about how stupid it is to walk on 2 legs when it makes you slower, clumsier, and gives you more health problems. On the savannah we must have been major food for sabre tooth tigers. In a major way.
So, in short, the champion of AAT/H for the past forty years is a little Welsh housewife by the name of Elaine Morgan, who has written some fascinating books that I’m now going to go out and find. Another website I found, one that claims to be attempting to be impartial and see both sides of this issue (but I think is actually one of the vehemently violent in sheep’s clothing), can be found here. What I do recommend is watching this very interesting BBC/Discovery Channel documentary, made in 1998, and uploaded in its entiretly on Youtube. Let me see if I can embed these videos for your ease.
Enjoy!
